From the Desk of the Elf Master General It has never been the policy
of the North Pole to employ people of questionable character. That
said, certain allegations have reached our ears concerning members of
Santa's work force using their time away from the Workshop to engage
in lewd and lascivious behavior. The North Pole would like to assure
you, the public, that no elf has ever been arrested for prostitution or
any other crimes. On another subject, if anyone happens to see a
female elf dressed in red and green please call the Santa Hotline. Do
not approach or try to apprehend. She isn't armed and dangerous,
but we feel she may be unstable and liable to use the word Hoor when
startled. Thank you for your time, Santa Claus Elfing Around
Silent Night, Magic Night From Dark Eden Press December 2007 Blurb:
Essie is an elf gone Wild! But Public Enemy #1 she's not. Thrown
behind bars two days before Christmas, Essie can't believe the local
Barney Fife thinks she's a… it's too horrible to say
outloud. Hoor, okay there I've said it. Hunkalicious Sheriff
Dalton comes to her rescue—in more ways than one. False arrest
turns into the opportunity for Essie to finally be naughty for once in
her life. Forget the mistletoe! Come fall in love under the
flickering lights of a Christmas tree and be naughty about it. Let's
just hope Santa isn't watching. If you didn't know—he
frowns on naughty. That won't stop Essie from discovering the best
presents are always the naughtiest. Set Up: When you're an elf, even
a ride home from the local sheriff can turn naughty. Excerpt:
"Yeah, a little. You must be from up north." His Southern
drawl made north come out like it was a bad thing."
"So north you wouldn't believe it."
"Knew that accent wasn't from around here, but wasn't going
to hold it against you." He cut the engine, tossing his arm over
the back of the seat, his bicep bulging at the rolled up cuff.
"That's mighty nice of you." The sarcasm in my voice hid a
very bad case of jump me now that was in danger of becoming a full-blown
do me now.
"Just Southern hospitality at its best, ma'am." The grin he
flashed me would have melted me to the seat, if I hadn't been there
already. "I don't know about you, but it's sweltering out
here. Why don't we mosey on into the house?"
"More of that Southern hospitality?" You don't think he
noticed all the sweat pooling around me? "No, more like I need a
glass of iced tea and the closest air conditioning vent to blow up my
pants leg for a half an hour." "That sounded so nasty." I
let out a giggle in spite of myself, wondering if he had a spare vent
for me. It was nearly ten o'clock and still hot as hell. Forget
the air conditioning. I'd give my eye teeth for someone to drop an
iceberg on the whole place. "You try walking around in
non-breathable polyester all damn day. My jockeys are glued to my ass
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a pry bar to get them
loose." "That's even worse." I snorted between giggles.
"I'm so glad this isn't a first date or anything." He
edged closer. "I know this may sound forward, but I was hoping you
might go for a little anything."
Jmorgan ... Go Wild, Get Wicked!!!
How Wicked Can She Go? coming July 07 from Dark Eden Press
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